Grief Notes: Walking through loss by Tony Horsfall

Raw and honest account following the death of the author's wife of 47 years from cancer

Grief Notes: Walking through loss: The first year after bereavement
By Tony Horsfall
BRF
ISBN: 978-1-80039-126-0
Reviewed by Sue Clements-Jewery

There is no shortage of books about bereavement, what to expect,  stages of grief, how to cope, and so as I opened this book I wondered what it could add to the mounting pile of Christian contributions to the understanding of an experience common to all human beings.

Tony Horsfall, best known for retreat leading and his writing about resilience and depth in Christian ministry, lost his wife, Evelyn to cancer in July 2020,in the early months of the pandemic. They had been married for 47 years and she had been suffering from cancer for four years prior to her death.

The author uses the notes he made and kept during the first year of his widowhood as the basis for his account, adding paragraphs of explanation, links to other sources about grief and biblical quotes.

The book has value in that it is a raw and honest account of his personal journey.  This is the part of the books that I found connected best with me as the reader, as he shares his vulnerability, his adjustment to living alone (in lockdown) and picking up the threads of his life, including learning now to look after himself for the first time since he married Evelyn.

Clearly, his faith sustained him, and his friends and family supported him both practically and emotionally. Joining in a GriefShare course online helped him normalise his experience and find encouragement from others in similar situations.

Who might be helped by this book? Anyone who has enjoyed the author’s books and feels that he is on their wavelength (Deep calls to Deep and Rhythms of Grace to name a couple). Those in ministry who would appreciate an accessible resource for someone who is grieving.

For anyone familiar with theories of grief this may be less useful as (being written over a year) it is quite repetitive. I would hesitate to recommend it to anyone who has lost their life’s partner suddenly, without any preparation for what lies ahead. Such a person might well feel that the Horsfalls were given time to prepare for the end and they were not.

Sue Clements-Jewery is a Pastoral Supervisor

Baptist Times, 21/10/2022

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