I used to go to church, but… 

Baptist minister Allan Finnegan introduces the thinking behind his new book

I wrote a book because I recently received a terminal cancer diagnosis. That is my motivation but not my reason. My reason I’m writing is that increasingly I’m meeting people who came to faith in the 80s (like me), and I’m hearing an all too familiar story. A story that starts with: I used to go to church, but…

I have to admit that when I lived in the Christian bubble I’d created for myself, I didn’t hear these stories. Even if I did, I would probably dismiss them and accuse the storyteller of losing their faith or being backslidden. Not to their faces obviously, that would be far too rude, but I’d definitely be thinking it. This is a terminology I can no longer stand.

It was probably only when I was suddenly exposed to the national comedy circuit, after a discussion in college, while training to be a Baptist minister, that I could no longer avoid these conversations. I was suddenly in the minority and my Christian bubble was well and truly burst.

From three-hour car-sharing on the way to gigs, to sitting in green rooms with other comedians, or talking to audience members, I was increasingly confronted by people that once had a faith, but no longer followed it.

I couldn’t ignore the narrative. They used to have a faith or went to church as children, then something happened and they stopped going. There were different out-workings of this but that was the general arc. Maybe something happened that the church didn’t deal with properly, or they did something and felt harshly treated. Someone offended them. Their expectations weren’t met. The list was endless.

I wanted to defend the church. After all, as a minister, I represented it, and as we know, there are always at least two sides to every story. But this defensiveness only left them with pain, anger and resentment.

In time though, I began to empathise with them and also recognise my story in their stories. The trouble was I’d been suppressing my own questions, feelings and issues with how I’d been treated, but I had stayed quiet because I didn’t want to be considered backslidden.

So I want to take you on a journey. It’s my journey and it’s taken me a lifetime to get there, but I hope it may help you on yours. It will be a humorous look at my life – of growing up and coming to faith; how that faith dramatically started but has also evolved to something more rounded. It a journey that reveals my own flaws as I seek to do this thing called Christianity; that led me to becoming a Baptist minister in spite of those flaws, because I kept them well hidden. A journey into despair as I began to lose faith in my faith. That journey led me into standup comedy which ultimately, I believe, saved my faith and a journey through cancer and what awaits.

It would have been so easy to just quit the journey many times, but ultimately I couldn’t. I couldn’t because of one thing. I have one problem that keeps me hanging in there. As much as I’d like to at times, and I really would, I can’t say “God doesn’t exist”. Therefore, I somehow have to make sense of this life of faith I’ve chosen to live.

Buckle up, strap in and enjoy the ride.

 

I Didn't Ask For Any Of This - My journey through Church, Comedy & Cancer by Allan Finnegan, is published by Broad Place Publishing in January. It is available for pre-order. 

Do you have a view? Share your thoughts via our contact form